What? I’m coming to you with the written form of something when I just recently admitted that nobody wants to read the stuff but wants to listen to it? That’s right! Starting the year off strong by creating content in the form nobody wants it in.

It feels kind of silly to be doing a wrap up for something that only existed four months of the year, but I’ve learned a year’s worth of lessons in a short amount of time. And this is the time of a year to get reflective about things, so I might as well put my tendency to overthink to good use.

Most importantly, I’ve affirmed that this podcast is turning out to be what I’ve wanted it be. I wanted to find an avenue to study Shakespeare, think critically about things, and then share that information out into the world. And so far, I’ve been able to do that.

This has been and will continue to be a passion project. It’s not an attempt to make money (not that I would necessarily oppose that outcome, but it’s not the point of the exercise). It’s sometimes I want to do because I find it enjoyable. And as long as that continues to be the case, I’m going to keep hacking away at it.

And there is so much to hack away at. Kind of an endless amount, really. Which is great news for me. And hopefully for you, if you’re a listener!

Here’s what I’ve learned about this show, myself, and life in general in the latter half of 2023:

I don’t know as much about Shakespeare as I thought I did.

Yes, I realize that the premise of this podcast centers around the fact that I want to know more about Shakespeare. But I’ve been a fan of the Bard for going on 20 years now. Surely I have a decent grasp on his work and his life? Turns out, this is not the case, and I have once again done the thing that the human brain does when you learn more about a thing and realize just how completely out of your depth you are. This is a good thing! I have a lot to learn. But combined with my perfectionism it’s also a double-edged sword because…

It’s hard to know when to call an episode done.

When it comes to Shakespeare, there is always more nuance. There’s been so much written about him and all his plays and poems that you basically have endless resources. Which seems great until you realize that you can never read the final word on a topic. There have been multiple instances where I get worried that I don’t have enough context or sources and go seeking out more opinions before recording. Sometimes this has improved my opinions. Sometimes it’s just added an hour to the process of producing an episode. I’ve always had trouble limiting my scope. But I want to try to commit to limiting my scope and drawing the boundaries out now while leaving room for future study. Otherwise, I could spend months on just one episode.

Making an episode of a podcast takes a long time.

I don’t know why, but my brain continues to fail at recognizing how long something takes. I get all the separate steps that go into putting an episode together (do the research, write the script, record the episode, edit the audio, schedule it in the various places it goes). But for some reason I get done with the research step and am convinced I’m over halfway there. Why does my brain do this to me? And for that matter, why does it insist on making me take awkward pauses or put in endless filler words while I talk? Why do I convince myself I can get something posted “real quick” when it’s definitely going to take the better part of an hour? Why can say! I’ll learn my lesson one day. (Spoiler alert: I probably won’t.)

This release schedule was a good idea. But I still feel bad sometimes for not hustling enough.

Like I said, the point of this show is not to hustle. But do I still sometimes get anxious about not hustling enough? Definitely. Because I have a tendency to underestimate how much time something takes, when I was first planning this show, I thought two weeks was good spacing for episodes (it is) but also though I’d be able to create bonus content easily so that something in some form could go out every week (it can’t). This isn’t my job. It’s something I do for fun and because it fulfills me! But could my social media presence be better? Yes. Could I try to put out more episodes? I guess! Would doing all those things be a sustainable way of moving the show forward? No, I’d drive myself right back to Burn Out City, and I just pulled myself out of there. We don’t need to go back.

I’m returning bits of myself to myself.

I was really worried about losing myself when I became a parent. And I wanted to ensure that the things that made me Gabs stayed in place. Overall, I’ve been doing a pretty good job. I continue to run and read and carve out small little moments where I can. But in the last couple years I’ve really been feeling the strain of all the other stuff expected of me and the lack of space for myself. Writing and researching is something I really like to do! Putting together this show is allowing me to build a new skill. But I get to dive into history and classical literature more. These are all pretty fundamental Gabs things. It makes me feel more like me. And that is pretty dang gratifying.

Going into 2024, I’m planning on more of the same. We’ll be getting into some more plays (Twelfth Night, Julius Caesar, and Troilus and Cressida to name a few), looking at the broader scope of the Elizabeth and Jacobean theater scene, and watching and reading more adaptations of Shakespeare’s works and the world around him.

And, as always, we’ll be doing this as the hurly-burly rages on around us. Because if 2023 is any indicator, the hurly-burly is nowhere near slowing down.

Credit for feature image of someone journaling: lilartsy on Unsplash